


In Clover

by TheDyingSun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: A Bit Of Jealousy, Circa 2011ish, Early Days, First Time, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Original Male Characters (Minor Roles), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Van Days, When Josh had the floofy black hair, basically they experiment before getting together, but it all works out I promise!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5812594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDyingSun/pseuds/TheDyingSun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not everyone can afford to drop everything for a two-man band in it's infancy. So for three weeks, across the belly of the country, Josh and Tyler are forced to tour alone. Just the two of them. </p><p>They do okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Clover

 

 

Tyler's never read Lord of The Rings, but he does remember the movies. There's a moment in the first one, when poor old Sam stops in a the middle of a field and proclaims that one more step will take him the furthest from home he's ever been.

 Tyler has that moment when he sees the “Welcome to Nevada,” sign on the side of the highway, 12:35 AM, and he has to pull over. It's stupid, okay, but there's an EmotionTM here and he wants to savour it for a second.

 

Josh stirs in the back seat.

“Why'd we stop?” he slurs, sleepy but perceptive. It could have been a red light, or a rest stop, or they might have stopped for gas, but even in his sleepy mind Josh senses that it's none of those. He knows something's up and Tyler not sure if he's touched or freaked out by that. Josh doesn't know him that well yet. Granted, it's been a year and a half, but Tyler's more of a growth investment type friend. He's still in the 'friend crush' stage, more eager to please Josh and make Josh like him than to open up and let Josh see what slimy thoughts he's got inside.

 Josh knows though. And he _knows_ that Josh knows, and that Josh is past the point of needing to be impressed- hell he's _played_ all the songs- but Tyler just can't do things that way. Josh is kind and 100% open with him, and Tyler realizes then that everything is just fine between them. Josh won't leave. In fact, Josh is there, asking what's wrong, waiting. And Tyler knows he'll still be his friend whether he tells him or not.

 “I got turned around for a second,” Tyler lies. “Sorry- go back to sleep.”

“Don't apologize,” Josh mumbles, but he lays his head back down on the pile of jackets.

 

There's something weirdly satisfying about how pathetic it is to park the van in motel lot. Tyler's sense of humour has always had a tinge of self-deprecation, so the irony of them sleeping in a van in a lot because they can't afford to stay in one of the rooms is not lost on him.

It's just him and Josh tonight, and for the next three weeks. Tyler misses Mark, but he's realized that the further they get from home, the harder it is to bring 'home' along. Mark has two jobs- a day job and a dream job. One pays for the other, and while Mark and his camera are always welcome, the balance has tipped too far, and he needs to make up the money.

He wonders if Josh misses anyone, but for some reason he doesn't ask. Tyler wonders, but he doesn't really want to know. Like that makes any sense...

“Go to sleep,” Josh whines, and Tyler's nudged in the back of the calf by a sock-clad foot. “I can hear you breathing funny.”

Tyler snorts, but doesn't have a witty response, so he just tries to relax and do what Josh says.

  

They have a festival show the next day. It's both reassuring and not at the same time; they won't be playing to an empty room, but they might not catch anyone's attention either. They've got the smallest stage in the far corner, and they're one of like three bands not from Las Vegas, and the people with badges watch curiously as they set everything up themselves. They don't help, just stand there, either high or lazy. When they're done- five minutes to showtime- Josh smiles, forehead dripping with desert sweat. His dark hair is still fluffy in some places, sticking to his head in others.

“They're all stoned,” he confirms, because apparently he better at discerning these things. “We're gonna blow their minds.”

“We should take our shirts off,” Tyler says, and he doesn't mean for it to be a joke but Josh is laughing so now it is.

“Totally,” Josh agrees. “But it has to be at the same time.”

Their set is only half an hour long, and they make it to 25 minutes in the heat before Tyler feels like he's going to pass out. They get out the equipment for their finale drum duet, and Tyler sloppily hits Josh's shoulder, a signal. He tugs at his shirt and Josh nods, pulling his t-shirt off in one fluid motion and tossing it somewhere behind him on the stage. Tyler does the same, though more effort is required.The crowd of 30 cheers.

They resume the show, pounding on the drums in time, and Tyler groans at the cool breeze on his back, his arms, his chest, as he hammers away. He and Josh move in time, standing back to back now. Josh's sweat is cold but his skin is warm underneath, and they slide against each other for a few beats. For some reason Tyler can't say, it feels nice. It's the same feeling he gets when he shoves his hand in a bowl of cookie dough to mix it, squeezing it between his fingers, or when he folds bubble wrap into a clump and wrings the whole thing at once.

They finish the duet seconds later, and stand to absorb the applause of the motley crew they've attracted. Josh puts a cold, damp arm around his shoulder and the feeling is back. Tyler is high on the crowd's approval, on Josh beside him- and let's face it, he's probably getting slightly delusional from performing in this heat.

They load their equipment back onto the trailer all by themselves. Tyler selfishly misses Mark and Michael now, if only because this is the part where many hands would've made light work. It's just him and Josh though, rolling the damn piano up the ramp and going back and forth with various drums. It takes a while. They pass out on the mattress in the back of the van when they're done, sunlight still shinning into it's windows.

 

Josh drives to the next one, a few hours into California. Tyler falls in and out sleep until they reach Oakland, and Josh stops at a public pool that charges $2.50 for adult admission and has a canteen that sells freezies and hot dogs. Tyler realizes that Joshua Dun is best and smartest person in the world. They use the showers first, a blessing, and manage to do a few laps before the hunger sets in.

They eat in the parking lot, leaning against the side of the van, and Tyler thinks that he doesn't miss a single person- not in this moment anyway. Is that an okay thing to think? He's really not sure, but he's happy, so it can't be that bad. Josh's hair is dry and blowing in the wind, and Tyler reaches up to ruffle it.

Josh gives him a confused look, but he's laughing, so the gesture isn't unwelcome. He does it right back to Tyler, teasing. It feels like bubble wrap all over again.

 

 

“I can't believe we're doing this,” Josh says quietly. It's the following night. They've played and gone. It's 3 am but they're both awake, driving to L.A. And Josh has just broken an hour-long silence.

“What?” Tyler asks, looking up from his phone. Josh's eyes are fixed on the road like it holds some secret he can't decipher.

“Just- all of this,” he says, and waves a hand around. “Driving around, playing shows...”

Tyler blinks. This is not Josh's usual late night rambling. This is important, he can tell.

“You're been on tour tons of times,” Tyler says. “You've been halfway around the world.”

“Yeah but this is...” Josh sighs, not satisfied with the word he chooses. “Different.”

“How so?” Tyler really hopes this is going somewhere positive. Not that he won't listen to Josh and help him with his problems, but it's just them on this trip; Tyler knows he's going to blame himself for whatever Josh has to say.

“It's just me and you,” Josh says softly.

“Me and you against the world,” Tyler quips, and Josh smiles and nods.

“Yeah, it feels that way.”

Tyler fixes his eyes on Josh, watches for maybe too long as Josh stares into the darkness of the empty California highway. Tyler realizes that the road is barren but for them. Josh probably hasn't seen a car in an hour, and the feeling hits Tyler too.

“Yeah, it does,” he breathes. “Wow.”

“It's- it's not a bad feeling,” Josh adds, unnecessarily. Tyler knows that now. Josh pulls the strangest emotions out of him. He somehow makes loneliness and sweat and poverty feel good, and when Tyler really thinks about it, he doesn't even mind the smell of Josh's feet.

“It's really not,” Tyler giggles, probably looking like a madman, but Josh just accepts it.

 

The next time Tyler wakes up, it's to Josh setting a bag of Taco Bell in his lap, and yeah, that's it, Tyler's in fucking _love_. No homo though.

 

 

They play a show in a bar in San Diego and they _kill_ it. At least 100 people show up, the drinks flow, the kids jump, and as a bonus, they actually get _paid-_ like a lot. It's just a cut of the admission, but $200 is the highest payout they've had this tour. They save most of it, but by the time they get to Phoenix Tyler knows Josh is about to crash. So, he books them a room.

The place is cheap and they have to share a bed, but it's still miles above the mattress in the van. They each take half-hour long showers, do a load of coin slot laundry, and watch a fuzzy re-run of Seinfeld on the TV. It's paradise, honestly, it's best thing Tyler's experienced in weeks, and the fact that Josh is with him just adds to it. Tyler's not sure exactly what Josh adds, but it's something.

He wakes up before dawn to hair brushing against his cheek and sighs contentedly. That feeling again, soft and light, silk to his nerves. It's Josh's hair, he realizes belatedly; it's Josh shifting in his sleep, pressing his back up against Tyler's chest, digging into the warmth. Tyler wonders if this should bother him, because it kinda _doesn't_. In fact Tyler thinks it would feel really nice to put his arm around Josh and pull him completely flush against him- but then that would be too far, right?

The nice, silky things Josh makes him feel have to stop somewhere- at least that's what Tyler has to assume. Putting his arm around Josh wouldn't feel that way. Josh wouldn't want it. He's is only pressing closer now because he's cold, and doesn't know what he's doing in his sleep. Josh doesn't need Tyler to hold him or anything.

Tyler's hand finds it's way to rest on Josh's hip, lightly. Not curling around, not pulling Josh in or pushing away... just resting. Just because it's comfortable- no other reason.

 

 

The next time Tyler wakes up it's at a more reasonable hour. Josh is moving around in the daylight, realizing with a laugh that they've essentially spooned all night. He shuffles to the bathroom, shutting himself in for ten minutes or so. Tyler dozes in and out, before Josh comes back out and moves around the room. Clothes rustle as he gets dressed, and then a hand touches Tyler's shoulder and nudges him.

“Hey man,” Josh says. “We've got to get moving.” Tyler doesn't want to move, but when he does open his eyes it's to the sight of Josh, tight jeans and a yellow t-shirt, hair dark and soft, hit by the sunlight in the open window. He's smiling, pink lips, perfect teeth, perfect eyes, _perfect everything_ and Tyler feels a surge of energy.

“Wear more colours,” Tyler says stupidly.

“Yeah sure, if it'll get you out of bed,” Josh laughs. Tyler gets out of bed.

 

It's back to the van, but Tyler can tell that the hotel room did Josh some good. He no longer looks like he's about to pass out, no longer talking with that defeated tone in his voice. Tyler feels better too, though the show they play in Santa Fe is to about 20 people. Could be better, could be worse. They have another one the next night, so they hang out at the bar for a while, drinking Dr. Pepper.

A few people talk to them, but mostly it's the bartender, who at least has nice things to say. He keeps offering them alcohol, and Tyler finally gives in to something fruity, because why the hell not? They don't drink on tour, but once in a while won't kill them. Josh just has boring old rum and coke, and then another, and they're such damn lightweights that three drinks has them stumbling back to the lot at 2 am, flopping clumsily down into the back of the van, limbs falling all over each other.

Josh is warm and happy, and he's been giggling for like ten minutes straight, smile shining in the dark, and Tyler can't help himself; he flings himself on top of Josh and hugs him. Josh hugs back, laughter still babbling out of him, and Tyler feels his heart fill up. Full tank, primed, ready to drive for miles; he doesn't need anything more in life.

 

The next morning though, Tyler wants to die.

Not in like a suicidal, 'there's no point' kind of way- he'd know by now if that were the case. It's more of a 'now I remember why I don't drink tequila' sort of feeling. Because now Tyler remembers why he never drinks tequila. Or drinks at all, period.

Tyler pulls himself off Josh, rolls over the back seat, wrenches the door to the van open and gets about ten feet before he pukes. Josh comes out after that, and Tyler wants to die even more- like _double_ die. Josh hands him an open bottle of water.

“I'll get us breakfast,” he says.

“I love you,” Tyler croaks out, and Josh just laughs. Tyler knows that friends say that to each other all the time. It is in no way significant that this is the first time he's ever said it to Josh.

“Damn right you do,” Josh laughs, and then rubs Tyler's back for a moment. “Go take some advil.”

 

There's a shift after that, but Tyler's not really sure how to classify it. It's just something in the air between them. Josh laughs a few seconds longer, stands an inch closer, and smiles at the drop of a hat. From Santa Fe to Amarillo to Arlington and Dallas, it's almost as if a dam has broken somewhere between them. Tyler feels it too. Josh has no trouble throwing an arm around him as he introduces 'his best friend Tyler,' and so Tyler feels okay with leaning on Josh at the bar, touching his shoulder lightly when he wants to tell him something. When he introduces Josh at shows, it's with more vigor, and he commands the audience to cheer for him. He assures them that Josh is the best person in the world. He finds himself wondering why no one else sees that, and why he's so lucky to have Josh as a friend.

 

And then Tyler realizes it: he's open.

He's Josh's friend all the way now; not trying to impress him, not trying to figure him out still. He is 100% open, as is Josh, and the pieces have officially clicked into place.

Josh is there, _Tyler and Josh_ ; they are two best friends. They are _two_.

 Josh won't suddenly leave him. Josh won't try to hurt him, and he doesn't secretly think that Tyler is weird or dumb.

Josh _wants_ to spend time with him.

 

Of course it just so happens that Josh is not actually with him when he figures this out. Tyler's in line at McDonald's, and Josh is sleeping in the van because it's 6 am and Tyler's biological clock is damaged beyond repair. Tyler orders a plethora of items, totaling about 20 bucks, and takes the bag back to the van. Josh wakes up to the smell, and sits up, hair adorably mussed on one side. Tyler waves an Egg McMuffin under his nose and Josh grabs it like frog catching a fly. Well, a sleepy frog.

Josh stuffs his face. He says something, muffled around the food, but Tyler can easily tell what it is: “I love you.”

Tyler smirks around his BLT.

“Damn right you do.”

 

 

They play to 50 in Austin, and 60 in Houston. As high as Tyler is on his not-so-newfound friendship with Josh, he fears he'll burn out. He's sick of going to new places but not really being able to explore them, and his mind is slowing down with the routine of it all. Josh is perfect, but he's faltering too; it's not all sunshine and rainbows anymore, but that's okay. This is more real. It's still Josh and Tyler against the world.

Josh agrees, and they leave right after the next show. Josh drives through the night to get them to New Orleans a day early. They get a hotel room and Josh crashes while Tyler goes out for a few hours, and comes back with food- real food this time. Josh is awake when he comes back, and since the next show isn't till tomorrow night, they decide to go on an adventure.

The adventure leads them to a back-alley club, a house-trance type place, full of colours and laughter and men dressed like women. Tyler's a bit out of his element but he's content to sit beside Josh as he tells someone named “Sunny” all about their band and where they've been so far. They're soon joined by a few others, sparkling and tall, and Tyler isn't exactly uncomfortable but he'll admit that he relaxes when Josh puts his arm around him.

They're in a gay bar, and everyone probably thinks they're gay, and Tyler wonders for the umpteenth time if it should bother him- because it _really_ doesn't. It keeps Josh beside him. It keeps him claimed, and safe and secure, and it's actually kind of fun to pretend. Tyler leans his head on Josh's shoulder, which earns a chorus of 'aww's around the table.

“Gosh, you two are the cutest thing I've ever seen,” Sunny tells them.

Josh laughs and hugs Tyler closer.

“You're just eating this up, aren't you,” Josh teases, and it's not really giving anything away, now is it?

“Can you blame me, babe?” Tyler pushes, then gives a wink just for Josh. Josh narrows his eyes at him, accepting the challenge.

“No, of course not, babe. You've always been such a slut for attention.”

Several laugh at that, but Tyler feels something clench in his stomach. He's only one rum and coke in, Josh two, but now Tyler wants another. He's too hot, needs some ice to cool down.

“I'm uh- gonna go to the bar,” Tyler says, peeling himself away.

He's not sure if his hesitation means Josh has 'won' with that dirty mouth or his, or if Tyler could still bounce back.

He's not even sure what this weird little game is, but he knows he's loosing. Tyler orders his drink, and waits.

“Pardon me,” comes a voice, not Josh's; a bit lower than Josh's really, more accented. “You look really familiar.” It's a young man, light brown hair bright blue eyes. He's got a few inches on Tyler, and a few tattoos too. A thin layer of stubble frames his jaw, and Tyler's at a loss at the sight of him. The guy's hot- like, objectively. Tyler gulps. Where's his damned drink? Where's _Josh_?

“I said you look familiar,” the guy repeats.

“I'm in a band,” Tyler blows out. Josh is no longer at the table they've been sitting at. He wants Josh _right now_ , to come and claim him again.

“No kidding,” the man says. “Did you play Dallas like a week ago?” Oh. Tyler pays attention now. He makes eye contact.

“Yeah actually? You were there?”

“On business yeah,” the guy says. “Man I thought that was you! You guys were really good! I bought a CD!”

“No way,” Tyler says and okay, maybe this guy isn't so bad. “Thanks man, that means a lot. Thank you so much.”

The guy smiles and gives Tyler his hand to shake.

“Adam,” he says.

“Tyler.”

The drink arrives.

“Well Tyler, now that I know you're a starving artist, I can't not buy you this.”

Adam quickly puts a twenty on the bar before Tyler can protest. Tyler bumbles out a thank you, and takes a sip.

“Are you- uh- here with any friends?” Tyler asks tentatively. He doesn't want to be misunderstood, but he also would like to avoid any awkwardness. Adam's a fan, so Tyler's at least able to trust him a little. It's next best thing to Josh, Tyler figures, wherever he is.

“I was,” Adam replies. “I'm not sure where they went.”

“Same here,” Tyler sighs. “My friend Josh- he's the drummer- he disappeared.”

“Josh was pretty hot, if I recall,” Adam says smoothly. “He's probably getting some attention.”

Tyler ignores the heat under his collar. Is Josh hot? Tyler's never really thought about it. He certainly likes how Josh looks, but it rarely occurred to Tyler that others would too... But now that he thinks about it, perhaps Josh does fit the general consensus of attractiveness. What with that smile and that hair and the drummer's physique-

Huh. He _is_ hot.

“Josh isn't gay,” Tyler clarifies. “I'm not either.”

Adam raises an eyebrow.

“So then why'd you come to a gay bar?”

“We wanted to go on an adventure,” Tyler says, an only after it's out does he realize how lame it sounds. “You know, pretty colours, cool people, good music...”

“Horny guys,” Adam teases. Tyler blushes fully now.

“It's not like that. And even if it were, I'm not into that one-night-only stuff.” Adam takes a step back, gives him space.

“That's fine man, I'm not trying to...” Adam pauses. “Well I mean unless you wanted to- which you don't.”

Tyler feels a little guilty, but it's not as if he's ever been in this situation- at least that he's known about.

“If I feel curious, I'll let you know,” Tyler says, not leaving any room in his tone for misinterpretation. He's being sarcastic, but at least it's a joke, and Adam senses that.

“I'd be happy to help,” he laughs, and relaxes. Tyler deflates too. “So are you playing in the area?”

“Tomorrow night-” Tyler starts, and then stutters to a halt.

He sees Josh.

 

He's leaning back on the opposite end of the bar, full drink in hand. His head is tipped back, and there's another man on him, tanned and muscular, and running his teeth along Josh's neck.

Emotions flood Tyler so fast that he can't sort them. His fists clench, his heart hurts, he gasps, he stares, he wants to cry, and his jeans are suddenly very tight.

“Told you so,” Adam says beside him, but then there's a pause. “Hey Tyler, you okay man?” Adam looks back again, from Josh to Tyler. “Are you- were you into him?”

“No,” Tyler mutters. “It's just- I didn't think he was like that- and...” He dares to glance across the bar again. Josh is lip-locked now, a hand on his jaw, and his eyes are closed blissfully. He's never seen this, never even considered it coming from Josh. He's never even seen Josh kiss a girl really, let alone a guy; never seen Josh break away and laugh, sip his drink seductively, looking up at the man through deep dark eyes...

It's not him and Josh against the world anymore.

“Why did we come here?” Tyler asks no one, but Adam is there, looking concerned.

“I don't know man. Really, are you okay? Or are you having a gay crisis right now?”

“Maybe I do want to experiment,” Tyler decides, turning fully to Adam. “Will you dance with me?”

Adam's face lights up. He really is a nice guy, Tyler thinks.

“Yeah, of course,” he laughs. “You lead.”

And Tyler does. He downs his whole drink first, ignoring the head rush, and sets it down on the bar. Adam maybe wants to say something, but he goes silent as Tyler pulls him to the dance floor by his hand. Tyler's awkward at the best of times, but for some reason he can keep rhythm when he dances. It's a solid beat, consistent and deep, and he starts to move around, getting a feel for it. The buzz helps, and soon he's synced up with the song. Adam smiles playfully in front of him, and Tyler steps into his space, chest to chest. The other man doesn't exactly object, but he looks surprised for a moment. Then he places his hands on Tyler's hips, giving a questioning look. Tyler nods, bites his lip at the touch, and looks around for Josh.

He's gone again.

Adam grips him tighter now, drawing Tyler to look at him again. Their hips are starting to move together as the beat chugs on, bass going to lower and lower. Adam's starting to sweat, but he smiles encouragingly when Tyler makes eye contact. He takes one hand and starts to run it up Tyler's chest, palm wide, and Tyler sucks in a breath. The hand curls over his shoulder and then settles on the back of his neck, and Adam leans down.

“You're killing me Tyler,” he says, lips brushing Tyler's ear. “You're so fucking hot.”

Tyler groans at the praise, though he doesn't mean to. He's not sure what to do now, because dancing with Adam somehow feels alright, and he's good looking in tattooed-guy-who's-secretly-nice kind of way, but then Tyler feels guilty for doing this, even though he's more than willing.

Adam's hands fly off him as if on cue, and Tyler looks up to see him take a step back.

“Nice meeting you Tyler,” he says, smirking. “Guess I should go.”

Tyler tilts his head, confused, before another set of hands slides over his hips and spins him around. Josh presses up to him and Tyler's surprised he can still dance at all.

“That guy was really into you,” Josh comments, as they start to mirror each other.

“Should say the same for you,” Tyler bites back, and Josh flinches.

“You saw that. I just- I just wanted to try. Did it freak you out?”

“Yeah,” Tyler breaths. He's hard in his jeans- thank god they aren't too close- and he's mad at Josh at the same time.

“Do you not want to tour with me anymore?” Josh asks tentatively, and Tyler full on stops moving.

“What?”

Josh shifts away, looking nervous. Tyler doesn't like this, doesn't like any of this, so he pulls at Josh's sleeve, signaling Josh to follow. This whole place has Tyler buzzed and hypnotized, so he takes Josh outside where they can think, and they stand upwind from the smokers.

“Why would I ever want to stop touring with you?” Tyler asks him.

“Because you saw what I did,” Josh said. “You saw that I liked it. I'd understand if you didn't want to- you know- be in close quarters 24/7. Like we share beds and stuff...”

“Josh I'm not that guy,” Tyler tries to reassure him. “You're still my best friend, no matter how gay you are.”

Josh deflates.

“ _Oh thank god_. Thank you Tyler.”

“Just for the record,” Tyler pushes, smirking. “Exactly how gay are you?”

“Like 5%,” Josh laughs. “That was- I just wanted to try... and I liked it but he wasn't my type.” Josh stares at Tyler suddenly.

“What about you, with that guy?” he says. “Were you just... trying it?”

“Maybe,” Tyler allows. “That guy saw our show in Dallas. I actually did want to talk to him.”

“Oh... but- like dancing with him...?

Tyler thinks about Josh pulling him away, about how Adam relinquished Tyler completely, and he can't make sense of it.

“I guess,” Tyler says. He really doesn't understand any of what's happened. One second he was freaking out about Josh, the next he was pulling poor Adam out to dance, letting himself be touched by another guy. And nothing about it had felt wrong- just a little mean.

“We're in a city where no one knows who we are,” Tyler tries.

“Yeah,” Josh says. “Just us. That's why I tried it... the only person around to judge me is you Tyler," Josh says.  Josh laughs then. “I figured you'd be okay with it, but I didn't think you'd do it yourself.”

Tyler pushes Josh's shoulder lightly, feeling the tension deflate. They're becoming two again, Josh and Tyler, and the air between them is warming back up.

“Hey, all _I_ did was dance!” Josh blushes at that, and Tyler wants to tease him more, but suddenly he wonders something. He's pretty buzzed by now (okay maybe a bit drunk) so he feels okay asking, feels like it won't freak Josh out. “What was it like?”

Josh looks confused.

“What- kissing a dude?”

“Yeah.”

Josh thinks for a second. He rubs his neck where the guy's mouth had been.

“It's like kissing a girl but... stronger,” he tries. “Other than that it's the same. Person looks good, you want to kiss them, so you do.”

Tyler wants to kiss Josh.

Shit, _shit_ Tyler _really_ wants to kiss Josh.

He leans back against the cool concrete instead, pressing his back to the side of the building.

“Looks more like _he_ kissed _you_... among other things.”

“Well yeah.” Josh looks away for a moment. “That wasn't so bad either.”

“Being submissive?”

“Hey,” Josh protests, but it's soft. “You were being pretty submissive yourself.”

“We're not very manly,” Tyler jokes, lamely, but Josh takes the excuse to laugh.

“So uh- you still want to talk to that guy?” Josh shifts back and forth, foot to foot.

Tyler thinks. Adam was nice and understanding, and really into him. It's not that Tyler wants anything else to happen between them, but he knows he'll feel guilty if he just leaves Adam there without saying anything.

“I'll just say goodbye to him,” Tyler promises. “Assuming we're done with this place.”

Josh nods.

“Yeah I want food now.” Tyler laughs and agrees, and he and Josh duck back into the club. Adam is alone at the bar again, and Tyler really does feel bad for- well- using him.

 

“Oh hey,” he says when he spots Tyler. “I thought you left with Josh.”

“We're just about to go,” Tyler admits. “I just wanted to say bye... and sorry for... whatever this was.”

Adam laughs, a sweet, caring sound.

“It's fine dude, I kind of knew I was getting into something complicated.” He puts a hand on Tyler's shoulder. “Did you guys figure things out?”

“Josh says he's 5% gay,” Tyler laughs. Adam fake pouts.

“We that's not much. What about you? Did I- uh- unleash anything?”

Tyler chuckles, but then it gets caught in his throat.

“I mean the fact that you're a guy didn't seem to make a difference,” he admits. “Other than that I guess I still don't know.”

“Lame,” Adam says. “We should have at least kissed or something- then you'd have a better idea.”

“Smooth,” Tyler deadpans, but then he's still curious, still feeling the heat of the club, and his eyes flicker to Adam's lips, then back up to his blue eyes. “Uh... maybe.” He can't kiss Josh, can't even permit himself to consider it as an option. But he can kiss Adam if he wants, just to tide him over. Just to see what it's like...

Adam smirks- damn he's good looking- and leans forward.

“Yes or no, Tyler?”

“Not on the lips,” Tyler blurts out, and he's not sure why he doesn't want that, when he wants everything else. “But- uh- yeah-”

Adam presses his mouth to Tyler's cheek, warm and lingering, and his hands slide around Tyler's waist. It's nice, and he likes it, but Tyler's holding at least half of himself back, not wanting to give too much, not willing to fully admit that it does feel good. It's not that same feeling as Josh smiling in the sunlight; more like cheap knock off. If Josh is that first bite of fresh pizza, then Adam is the frozen version. Josh is delivery, Adam is Delissio.

The thought makes Tyler laugh into the kiss, and Adam takes that as a signal to continue. He kisses down Tyler's jaw and brings a hand to the back of Tyler's neck, tipping his head back with his thumb. Tyler lets him do it, and the laughter dies when Adam nips lightly at his neck.

“Whoa,” Tyler whispers, as a shudder runs through him. His hand fly up to grip Adam's biceps. He gasps as Adan kisses the spot, so sensitive, so vulnerable, and Tyler curls his fingernails into Adam's arms.

“It's good isn't it,” Adam whispers, taking the skin between his lips and sucking. Tyler jolts with pleasure, and it goes straight to his dick, and oh it's too much, it's too close, _not with him_ \- and he backs away a step. Adam straightens as they separate, a smile plastered to his face.

“God you're hot,” he laughs, and runs a finger through his perfect hair. “Josh is a lucky guy.” Tyler wants to react to that comment, but he's still reeling from whatever that was, and he's flushed and staring at Adam. He imagines Josh doing that to him, and visibly twitches. Adam skillfully ignores it. He leans back against the bar.

“Look Tyler, I know you've got a lot going on, but if you ever want to talk, just call me.” Adam pulls out his wallet for a moment, and takes out a business card. Tyler doesn't even look at it, just stuffs it in his pocket. Maybe that's rude but Adam doesn't seem to mind.

“Thanks for...” Tyler has no idea what he's really thanking Adam for, and he trails off stupidly.

“See you around Tyler,” he says, and smirks. Tyler realizes that that's his cue so he turns and walks back through the club to Josh, who's waiting by the door. Josh, who's seen that whole thing.

“You can't make fun of me anymore,” Josh gets out, and while the words are teasing, there's something a bit biting about the tone.

They go to the Denny's a few blocks from the hotel and get Grand Slams. Tyler thankfully feels himself sobering up. Josh begins to talk to him again, and they chatter for well over an hour.

Tyler's almost forgotten about the whole thing by the time they get back to the room, but then Josh is quiet again, giving Tyler a weird look as he flops on the bed.

“What?”

Josh shakes his head and goes into the bathroom. Tyler's left a little confused, but Josh isn't mad at him anymore, right? They're both just experimenting. They've already talked about it. Everything's fine because they're best friends, and they won't judge each other.

Josh comes out of the bathroom and Tyler hurries in. The steam from Josh's shower still hangs in the air and the scent of soap and shampoo is everywhere. Tyler steps into his own shower and sighs as the water hits him. He's been half hard since the club, and only now is he free to do anything about it. He hates doing this- honestly. He's never been one of those crazed teenagers who need to get off twice a day to function- and Tyler refuses to buy into the idea of men being horny by default. It's not that he's incapable- his current situation disproves that- it's just that Tyler's got a lot of other things on his mind. Perhaps he's desensitized, but the girls in the magazines just don't do it for him. He needs connection, touch, chemistry.

He palms himself lightly. He's not sure what to think about, but he recalls Adam's teeth on his neck, the feeling of being so open to someone...

He doesn't think about Adam though; it doesn't bring him anything. He just thinks of the act, a nameless person biting him, kissing him, running warm hands over his chest, his stomach, then his dick. Tyler stifles a groan. He closes his eyes, shutting the sight of the shower out, thinks of the nameless person. It's not enough- there needs to be intimacy, or context, or _something_. He can't just go on the physical. It feels good but he won't come this way.

Tyler sighs and lets go of himself.

This is why he doesn't do this very often.

He turns the shower cold and shudders under it, until his erection finally starts to fall. He thinks of puppies and kittens instead of house music and tight jeans, and when he dresses and goes back into the room it's all for naught.

Josh is in his boxers, facing away, back arching as he stretches. It's not a new sight; seeing someone like this is an inevitable part of touring. But it's a first for this part of the tour, where it's just himself and Josh, and Tyler is half hard again.

He realizes too late that he should have thought about Josh while he was jerking off. That would have done the trick in no time- except that that is all kinds of messed up.

Josh is not some lay, some object to fantasize about, and he's not just a random friend- he's _Josh_ , and Tyler could never do that.

Though it's tempting.

Josh turns to look at him and Tyler practically launches himself into the bed, pulling the covers up and laying on his side so that Josh doesn't see the tent forming in his pants.

“Eager to go to sleep?”

Tyler nods, flushed.

“Tonight was crazy.”

Josh agrees, thoughtful.

“Tyler,” he starts. “Next time either of us wants to hook up or something- with anyone- maybe we should warn each other?”

“But I hook up so often,” Tyler teases, and Josh breathes out a laugh. He crosses the room and gets into bed beside Tyler, not touching.

“I know you were freaked out,” Josh says gently. “I can't help but think that's why you...” he stops himself, and Tyler doesn't push it. He can't. Josh knows him too well, has probably arrived at the truth before Tyler has. “I'll tell you next time. And you tell me. So neither of us...”

“Freak out,” Tyler finishes.

“Right,” Josh says.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

 

Tyler stays on his side. Josh puts on some TV movie but Tyler doesn't want to give himself away. He keeps his back to Josh and pretends to fall asleep far sooner than he actually does.

 

 

Warmth engulfs Tyler and he drifts slowly out of sleep. He's hungover again, and the world is spinning, but it's kind of nice while he's still in bed. He's warm and dizzy and he smells Josh everywhere. He sighs into it, and something tightens around him.

Tyler's eyes shoot open. He's looking at skin- Josh's neck to be specific, and there are arms on either side of him. Josh's legs and his are thrown together and Tyler's hands are pulled up to his chest, curled in. Tyler sobs with the feeling, so good and overwhelming that it shakes through him. Josh is silk wrapped around him, pure pleasure, so sweet and good and Tyler's so hard he-

Josh is moving, confused, no doubt woken up by Tyler's reaction. He moves closer for a brief moment, and Tyler seizes the opportunity, lifting his head so that his lips brush Josh's neck as he moves. Tyler whimpers with it, and he presses closer, feigning sleep for just another moment. He wants to taste Josh's skin but he doesn't dare open his mouth.

Objectively, Josh doesn't smell that great. He's sweaty from sleep and he didn't put on any deodorant before bed, but it's all Josh and Tyler drowns in it. He drinks up the closeness while Josh shifts around him, and laments when Josh finally figures out that the lump in his arms is Tyler- and that he should probably move away.

“Crap- sorry dude,” Josh hisses, and it sounds like he means to laugh but can't. Tyler whines as Josh leaves the bed, and let's himself slump in the bed as Josh stands up. “I must be missing my teddy bear or something.”

Josh moves around the room and turns the lights on. Tyler is not impressed with this decision, and pulls the blanket over his head. He's tired and hungover, and irrationally upset that Josh has woken up, because now Tyler has no more excuses to be near him. But with his growing sense of wakefulness comes a sense of awe. He got to kiss Josh's neck. He got to sleep in Josh's arms. He's gotten closer to Josh than he has ever been and just that thought gives Tyler a head rush. He squirms under the blankets and Josh does laugh now, from across the room.

“Tyler it's noon.”

“Noon yourself,” he bites back. That doesn't really make sense, but he's sure Josh understands the sentiment. He wants to lay in bed and think about kissing Josh forever.

 

Tyler eventually does get up when Josh goes into the bathroom. He tries to gather all of his staying thoughts while he gets dressed. He's still hard, though still determined not to jerk off to thoughts of Josh. He tucks himself the waistband of his boxers instead, and makes sure its totally covered by his tank top. He takes another cold shower when Josh gets out of the bathroom, which seems to do the trick- albeit temporarily. At this point he knows Josh is going to do something to get him hard again, and he pledges to police his thoughts today, to act like a normal band mate and not a frustrated boy plagued by desire for his best friend.

 

They check out at 1, and make the short drive to the venue. Another outdoor show, though not if the storm clouds have anything to say about it. They scrounge up some food from the “green room” (a tent that's been sectioned off from regular festival goers) and watch the other bands, few words between them. The skies aren't clear when they perform, but it doesn't rain. Tyler looks at Josh a completely normal number of times while he sings, and is the ideal performer. He does everything right, and crowd is pleased, and Josh smiles beside him as they bow. The cheers lift him, but Josh's arm around him does more. Tyler knows the feeling pretty well now, that getting-into-a-bubble-bath feeling Josh carries with him, and he has no choice but to let it sink in. He can't exactly push Josh away on stage- and he can't kiss him either. He can't do anything but stay neutral while Josh exists beside him.

Blessedly, it starts to rain. The crowd dies down as the first droplets hit, and Josh tears away from him. He goes for the laptop first, while Tyler fumbles to turn off all the electrical equipment. A few volunteers help him bundle up the wires, and then they're loading wet drums into the back of the trailer.

They pile into the van, top halves soaked. They pull their shirts off and Josh blasts the heat to dry them, and Tyler looks out the window and not at Josh. The rain starts to thicken as Josh pulls onto the highway. It goes from buckets to sheets, and nightfall doesn't help. They start to pass cars pulled over, given up. Tyler watches the road, and Josh fixated on it. The high beams only show them more rain and Tyler panics when he looses track of the lines on the pavement.

“Josh,” he begs. He can't even see another car in front of them. It's an inverted version of their moment in California. Him and Josh stranded, alone in the world, lost in darkness. “Please.”

Josh doesn't need to be told twice. He sighs and nods, taking his foot off the gas pedal. Carefully he steers the van onto what feels like grass. He twists for a moment to make sure he's off the road completely, then he turns the van off. The headlights release them to the darkness, until Tyler grabs his phone and uses the light.

There's a moment where only their breathing can be heard, and Tyler realizes it's not just him that panicking.

“Let's just wait it out,” Tyler manages. “Chill in the back or something. I've got Candy Crush.”

“Okay,” Josh breathes. “What if it's a hurricane or a tornado or-?”

“I'll check,” Tyler says. Josh shifts in the dim light. He's pulling his shoes and socks off, then turning around. The seat creaks as he climbs over it, and he lands in the back with a thump and a breathy laugh. He fumbles on the mattress, smoothing out the corners. Tyler looks up the Weather Network for a moment, as much to quell his own anxiety as Josh's. There's a severe downpour forecast (duh), but no warnings past that. “Just lots of rain.”

“Good,” huffs Josh. “Now get back here.”

 

Tyler kicks his shoes off too and gets up onto his knees. He puts one leg at a time over the seat, transferring his weight awkwardly in the dark. He's holding his phone with two fingers and using the rest of the hand to steady himself, and it accidentally puts them in the dark again. Josh's hand reaches out and grasps against his, and it's only after Tyler's sat on the mattress does he realize Josh was going for his phone. He loosens his grip and Josh takes it and switches the light back on. Josh is sitting with bent knees in the middle, looking up at him. His face is needy, and Tyler melts. It's enough to forget himself, if only for a moment, as he crawls over and places himself right beside Josh, hip to hip.

“I haven't downloaded it yet,” Josh says. “Show me.” He doesn't let go of the phone, so Tyler reaches up and touches the icon on the screen himself. They can barely see each other in the darkness.

“You just have to match threes or more,” Tyler tells him, as the app starts up. The screen is bright and throws colour around the van's interior. The rain has been pouring for so long that noise is almost soothing. A truck drives by, sounding distant, and for whatever reason, it calms Tyler even more. He sighs and leans against Josh, and the feeling comes again. It's soft though, gentle. He watches Josh make his first attempt at the game, fingers tentatively poking at the shapes. Josh gets a line of five, with a special lemon drop, and the phone emits a happy flourish. Josh laughs.

“It's so cheesy,” he says.

“You feel better?” Tyler asks, softly as he can.

“Yeah,” Josh smiles. He looks from the phone to Tyler for a moment. “You?”

“Yeah.”

There's a pause, and Josh looks back at the phone but he doesn't touch the game. He clicks the display off, killing the light.

“Let's just talk,” Josh decides instead. “Where's the blanket?”

It's at Tyler's feet, so he pulls it up and drapes it over them. Tyler's eyes need time to adjust, so he can only just make out Josh shifting. He feels it more, as the mattress dips. Josh is laying down on his side, stretching out.

Tyler lays down to face him, though it's dark and he can't find Josh's face. He doesn't think, just reaches up and lays a hand down, letting his fingertips tell him what he's touching. It's Josh's shoulder, so he lifts and tries again, patting Josh awkwardly in the face. Josh snorts, and Tyler feels him smile under his thumb.

“There you are,” he says lightly. He lets his hand fall between them. The pause is far too long. It makes Tyler wonder why he's doing this.

“I kind of like the rain,” Josh says finally. Tyler's eyes are doing a little better now, and the side of Josh's face emerges from the darkness. “Now that I don't have to drive through it.”

“Me too,” Tyler says. It's coming down harder now, almost as loud as their voices. “Though I'd rather be in a hotel or something. In a nice warm bed.”

“Nah, this is better,” Josh says. There's a pause, as if Josh isn't sure what to say next. But then, low and nervous, Josh says, “C'mere.”

 

Tyler's caught off guard, but it's not as if he doesn't want to. He goes to move, but Josh is impatient and has already shifted closer. Tyler meets him halfway, and he finds his head suddenly resting on the same bundled up jacket as Josh's, his face inches away. He breathes Josh's air, slightly minty with the gum he's since spat out. Josh presses closer, making their knees touch. He slides an arm around Tyler's middle, and Josh's palm brings that silky feeling across every nerve it touches.

They settle like that for a while, and Tyler's grateful for the pause while he collects what's left of himself.

Josh is a flood, filling the van with goodness, making Tyler's heart swell from suffocation. He feels like he's floating, like Josh is the sea and the anchor all in one, and every shift of Josh's body is another wave. It's so satisfying that Tyler has to fight to keep still, has to fight the words, because he still doesn't know what Josh wants or why this is happening.

“Tyler,” Josh says, almost too quiet to hear amidst the downpour outside. “Is this okay?”

Tyler surfaces long enough to open his eyes (must've closed them at some point). Josh is fully visible now, though there's barely any light to speak of- just the glow from a streetlight that feels miles away. But he doesn't need to see Josh's face in full light anymore; he knows it by now. It's been his home for weeks.

“Tyler,” Josh says again, a whisper against the rain.

“It's fine,” Tyler gets out. “But like, if we're for sure gonna cuddle, we might as well go full on.”

Josh chuckles at that and lets Tyler scoot closer. It's the bliss of that morning all over again, only Josh's skin is still a bit damp. Tyler fits his head under Josh's chin and get the rest of himself as close as he can. Josh hugs him tight, innocent affection, and Tyler's head spins. The patter against the van's tin roof is like static, only deepening his stupor. He doesn't mean to, but he sighs happily.

Josh laughs, hugging him with one arm.

“You're loving this,” he says, a smile in his voice.

“Maybe,” Tyler admits. He's not sure how much of that is teasing, how much is Josh trying to uncover what Tyler has been trying to hide.

“Maybe? Says the guy who freaks out when I show interest in anyone else.”

“I don't-,” Tyler protests. He's lying, but Josh is pushing this conversation out of the realm of Tyler's control, so all he can think to do is deny. “You mean- at the bar?”

He pulls away enough to see eye to eye. Josh isn't mad, just desperate. He's searching Tyler's face for answers.

“What do you want me to say?” Tyler says, not as loud as he meant to.

“That you were jealous. Because I sure as hell wanted you to be. So say you were.”

There's something thick in Tyler's throat, and he gulps it down.

“No,” he lies.

“No?” Josh repeats. “So you danced with that guy just because you wanted to?”

“Well- no,” Tyler says quickly.

“Then which is it Tyler?”

“I-” he falters. He can't say it. He can't risk everything they've built on this.

He can't lie to Josh either though- not forever. “I guess I was,” he admits.

“Thought so,” said Josh. “I know you, Tyler.” He shifts for better eye contact. “I know you want me.”

 

Tyler's limbs lock up. He shivers as the truth is exposed, an he knows he can't hide it now. Josh has him captive, and if there were ever a time to hit him when he's most vulnerable, it's now.

“It's more than that,” Tyler blurts, because the masochistic part of him has decided he might as well expose his whole heart, if it's just going to be broken anyway. Josh stops at that. Tyler closes his eyes, listens to the rain, and waits for the inevitable.

“I know,” Josh says, hushed. “I know it is, Tyler.”

Tyler flinches as lips touch his, unexpected. He opens his eyes to see Josh pull back, confused.

“Tyler,” he whispers, softly, sadly. Tyler shivers when Josh's hand moves from his back to his cheek, resting there. Only then does he realize that Josh doesn't mean to hurt him. The words, the touch, the closeness- it's all honest, and Tyler's paranoid mind has gotten it so, _so_ wrong. Josh's hand drifts down to Tyler's and holds it, a gesture even he can't mistake. Josh grips Tyler's hand like he's perched on the edge of a cliff. “ _Please_.”

 

The word is a catalyst, a tremor that causes Tyler to surge forward. He makes a desperate sound, a whine that only stops once their lips are sealed together. Josh doesn't flinch, doesn't falter for a second before he kisses back, and they're both gone. They cling to each other, pressing as close as they can get, drawn by some magnetic force.

Tyler's desperate with something, so overcome by the need to have Josh; have _all_ of him. Josh seems just as impaired. He pushes harder, putting Tyler on his back and placing himself on top. One hand takes the back of Tyler's head, squished between his hair and the jacket-pillow, whilst the other starts to move, touching every part of Tyler it can get- hips, sides, neck, jaw-

Tyler licks in, and Josh's lips part eagerly- submitting even though he's pinning Tyler down into the mattress with his weight.

Tyler moans into it. He lets himself explore until his dominance gives way to Josh's. It's such a natural transition that he doesn't catch it until Josh finally releases him. The rain fills the silence.

 

“It feels so good,” Josh whispers, so close. “It feels so good to be with you Tyler, it's like...”

“Silk?” Tyler whispers, and Josh breathes out a laugh. He puts his forehead against Tyler's and rests there.

“Yeah, like- soft...” Josh laughs at himself, at the absurdity of trying to describe any of this. Tyler agrees with the feeling. He'd much rather be kissing Josh again, so he does.

It's slower this time, more deliberate. They're still in their own space- the air inside the van is charged and warm- but there's understanding now where there wasn't before.

It should surprise him that Josh feels the same way- _the exact same way_ \- but it runs deeper than just 'surprise.' Happiness blooms from some unseen source within him, slow rather than sudden. He's not tempted to jump for joy or sing from the rooftops; Tyler just relaxes and accepts his fate. He and Josh are together now. They are two.

Their kiss starts lazy and gentle- _soft_ \- as Josh had said. Tyler runs his hands over Josh's bare back, running his fingertips along the shapes of his ribs, palming his shoulder blades. Josh deepens the kiss and Tyler arches into it, accepting him, accepting all of it. Josh wants control and Tyler trusts him with it. His hands touch Josh where they please, and when Josh moves down to press a kiss to his neck, they curl in. Tyler doesn't dig his nails in very hard, but Josh still hisses at the feeling. He takes it for what it is: a plea to continue.

Josh dives in, sucking and licking at Tyler's neck. There's no pattern, leaving Tyler helpless against the onslaught of pleasure sparking through him at every touch. He clamps a hand around his mouth and whines into his palm. Josh stops at that, and Tyler mentally curses himself for whatever he's done wrong.

But Josh doesn't leave, _thank god_ , because Tyler's not even sure what life was like before Josh was on him like this; he's _that_ far gone. Instead, Josh glances up at the rain spattering against one window, then the other. Then he looks back at Tyler and smirks.

“Who are you being quiet for?”

The words hit Tyler with arousal. It's been building for a while, but now it threatens to overtake him. Tyler's getting very hard very fast. They both know that he has no answer, so Josh goes back to his neck. It's not lips that touch the sensitive skin now, but teeth. The pinch of them is gentle; still it sends shock waves down Tyler's body, and he doesn't try to stop the next moan that comes out of him.

“Mmm,” Josh hums his approval, moving to bite the other side, just above the collar. “Y _eah Tyler..._ ”

“ _Josh_ ,” Tyler gasps and claws at Josh's back, needing another outlet of release. He's fully hard now, and Josh _has_ to be feeling it. “Josh _please_.”

Even he's not sure what he's begging for but Josh gives it to him anyway. He moves back up to Tyler's mouth, dragging his hips over Tyler's as he goes. The fabric rubs together, right against his dick, and he's hearing a moan before he even knows it's him. Josh is hard too, if the answering bulge is any indication, and Tyler needs a second to process everything that's happening. Josh gives it to him.

 

Josh is perfect and beautiful. He's all those good, pure feelings Tyler's been experiencing; but now their both hard too, and sex throws a new lens over everything. It doesn't exactly cancel out the previous sensations. In fact, it adds to them.

“I know,” Josh breathes. He rests his head on Tyler's shoulder. “ _Christ_ , it's really good Tyler, oh my _god_ -”

“Yeah,” Tyler gets out. “You uh- okay?”

“Yeah.” Josh gets up again. “You?”

Tyler nods. He's back in their space and ready to continue. He pulls Josh in for a kiss to prove it.

Josh hums into it, lips resisting the pull of a smile. He starts moving instead, sliding his clothed cock up and down over Tyler's. The pleasure is constant, drawing Tyler taught. His back arches from it, his hips press up, and he doesn't mean to but he finds himself starting to squirm against Josh. Mostly he's grinding back, but he strays from Josh's slow tempo, eager for more. Josh pulls from the kiss with a laugh.

“We should...” Josh says, as if that's a complete sentence. He reaches down to touch the band of Tyler's shorts.

“Yeah,” Tyler says, because he _really_ wants to do this. He wants their shorts off. He wants their cocks pressed together. He wants Josh, _oh god_ he wants Josh so bad.

Josh pulls up to hover over him. His free hand is still on Tyler's shorts and he pulls them down, boxers and all. Tyler kicks them off when they get low enough, then looks back up to see Josh staring at him. He squirms under the gaze, and under the cool air against newly exposed skin.

“Like what you see?” he tries, but fails at the teasing tone he was going for.

“Yes,” Josh breathes, not even trying at humor. “ _Fuck_ Tyler you're so-” he suddenly abandons his words in favor of kissing Tyler roughly, still braced over him. Josh doesn't break the kiss while he shifts his weight to one elbow, so that his other hand can run up his body, palm down. He squeezes Tyler's bare hip, then slides it up his chest. Tyler feels the touch with every nerve. Josh's hand ignites him as it moves, and he arches into it. Josh's mouth on his is warm and familiar, and he's in a daze as Josh kisses him senseless.

Josh spreads his hand open against Tyler's sternum for a moment, right over Tyler's heart, and Tyler nearly passes out then and there. His feelings for Josh surge to point that he can't take it, and tears his lips away from Josh, overwhelmed. Josh waits while he breathes, and when Tyler feels stable again, he runs his own hand over Josh's chest, down the stomach until his fingers trace the line of hair below his navel. Josh shudders under his touch.

“You too,” Tyler tells him. Josh nods and guides Tyler hands to his crotch.

Tyler half sits up, straining his abdomen to undo the button and drag down the zipper. He feels how tightly Josh's dick is pressing against this part, and thinks that he must feel every tooth of that zipper sliding down. Josh lets out a low groan, proving Tyler right.

Once that's done, Tyler puts his hands on either side of Josh, slipping his thumbs between skin and fabric, and shoves down. His mind goes blank at the sight of Josh's pale hips being revealed. He's seen so much of Josh in low shorts and swimming trunks; but the curve of his ass, the backs of his thighs are new. And they're just for Tyler.

Josh kicks the rest of his clothes off in one go, and then he presses his whole body back against Tyler's. They moan in unison at the feeling of skin on skin. Tyler can't name a place on his body that isn't reacting to Josh's touch; he's so sensitive, so open, and the feeling is so overpowering that he can't stop himself from running his hands all over Josh's back, rubbing and scratching, and squeezing the skin. Josh curls around him, pressing a kiss to Tyler's cheek and then tucking his head there against Tyler's.

It all blurs when Josh starts to move.

 

Their dicks are sandwiched together, hot points of pleasure that set the rest of their bodies on fire. Josh slides his cock up along the underside of Tyler's, and Tyler nearly yells at the feeling of Josh's precum slicking a line up his length. But then the same happens to Josh as he comes back down, smearing himself with the precum pearling out the end of Tyler's dick. Josh shudders around him. Tyler grips his hips, maybe too hard, and holds on while Josh thrusts up again. He joins in, and soon they build a rhythm, cocks hard and slick, and pushing greedily against each other.

Josh's breaths turn to moans in Tyler's ear, setting off a chain reaction. Tyler can't keep quiet at the sound- and doesn't have to. It's all dulled by the pounding rain; it's all lost in their little van, pulled over on an empty highway. It feels so much bigger than just two boys rutting desperately in the back seat.

Josh's quickens the pace as his hand finds it's way into Tyler's hair. He fists the strands, not pulling hard enough to hurt, just to hold Tyler still. Tyler's hands fly up to Josh's shoulder blades and curl into the skin, and Josh let's out a low, growly sound at the feeling. It resonates within Tyler as if some deep-seated instinct's been awakened, and Tyler's moans get louder and higher. Suddenly everything is sharper. Tyler's relenting to Josh before he knows what's happening.

What's happening is that Josh is fitting his teeth around the space behind Tyler's ear and biting, and Tyler's bucking up into Josh, practically screaming with need.

“Fuck me,” Tyler gasps for probably for the first time in his life. “Fuck me Josh, _fuck me fuck me fuck me_ -”

“J-Jesus, _Tyler_ ,” Josh gasps in his ear and the thrusts get faster. Josh is making the van shake, grinding down onto Tyler roughly. Their hips start to slap together. This can't really be good for their dicks, but the pressure, the slide, the feel of each other is too good to stop.

Josh bites him again, lower, and Tyler's vision blacks out for a moment. A desperate sound tears out of him, from the back of the throat. He doesn't come, but _fuck_ , he so _so_ close-

Josh is a mess above him, gasping and groaning and becoming breathless with exertion. There's sweat making his skin shine now, slick, and Tyler senses that he must be close too. Tyler shoves a hand in Josh's hair and tugs. Josh shudders out a moan, but grinds harder, sending Tyler into another downward spiral. He's feeling more and more strained now. He spreads his legs to give Josh a better angle, and Josh takes it greedily. He keeps the pace but adjusts his hips, and Tyler's body convulses with the added pleasure.

Josh moans into Tyler's neck, helpless to do anything else, and they hang on the edge for another second before Tyler very clearly hears Josh _sob_ with desperation.

And _fuck_ , that's it. The bow snaps and Tyler's capsizes into Josh's arms, only just aware that he's screaming Josh's name over and over again. Josh is everything and everywhere, and for a moment Tyler feels like he's been swallowed whole. Josh holds him tight through his orgasm. He keeps thrusting, and on the tail end of one wave rides another. Josh comes hard, overlapping with Tyler's. He moans Tyler's name amongst a slew of breathy curses, moving until the two of them are shuddering with over sensitivity. Then he slows to a stop.

 

Tyler's adrift in space for a while after that. Josh is a welcome weight on top of him, one that doesn't seem to want to move anytime soon. So, they lay like this for some length of time- Tyler's not exactly sure for how long. The endorphin high has sort of destroyed his internal clock, but eventually Josh shifts and Tyler feels the wetness between them.

They're a mess.

Tyler grabs at where he knows the towels are, in a duffel bag on his left, but Josh flings out a lazy hand to stop him.

“It's raining,” he mutters.

It takes Tyler a moment to realize that this is not Josh delirious on a good lay- this is Josh with an actual good idea.

 

Josh moves first, groggily, and scoots over to the side door. He pulls the handle and slides it open, exposing them to the onslaught of the storm. The sound is almost deafening.

“Come on,” Josh yells over it, extending a hand. Tyler takes it, and the next thing he knows he's being pulled outside. He yells as he's instantly soaked from head to toe. The grass under his feet squishes out like a sponge as he steps on it. It's still so dark, so late at night, and Tyler can't bring himself to care about the possibility of traffic passing by. It's so quiet now, save for the downpour and the beautiful sound beside him:

It's Josh laughing. Droplets of rain are catching the dim light, shining just before they hit his skin and burst into a glowing spray. He's rubbing a hand on his stomach, wiping the mess off, and laughing at the sky.

Tyler's frozen at the sight. _This is the feeling_.

He's not sure what to call this moment, but he knows that it cannot be compared to anything. This is the root, and any other metaphor is just that: not the real thing. From now on, 'cookie dough' feels like Josh laughing in the rain. 'Cold freezies in the sun' feels like Josh laughing in the rain. Josh's yellow shirt, and the slide of his back against Tyler's on stage will now forever be tied to this moment: Josh laughing, naked and _happy,_  in the rain.

 

Josh shines for a little longer before he looks at Tyler again. He runs a playful hand over Tyler's abdomen, splashing it clean, and then curls the hand around the small of Tyler's back. He crowds in, wrapping his arms around Tyler.

“You okay?” he asks, pressing their foreheads cold and slick together. They're almost exactly the same height. They fit each other so well.

“I love you,” Tyler says. He pushes forward and kisses Josh. Josh's arms around him tighten, and their closed lips open in unison.

It's wet. Rain streams down their cheeks, pooling where their chests meet, getting in their mouths. Tyler wonders is he's ascended to some other plane of existence. Josh sighs into it, starting to lose himself in the feeling- but Tyler fights to memorize every second of it. There's something here that he's not sure he'll ever get to experience again.

Josh breaks away first, panting.

“I love you too,” he says. Neither of them open their eyes. It's as if they both know that seeing the van and the empty road and the far off streetlight again will bring them back down from the clouds they were in.

“We're going to freeze,” Josh says finally, moving away. Tyler opens his eyes. The spell is broken.

Josh leads him back into the van where they towel off in the front seat. When Tyler is satisfied that they're both dry enough, they crawl back onto the mattress and pull the blanket over themselves.

 

They lay on their sides, cuddled up as close as they can. They kiss and kiss and kiss, and they don't even notice when the rain stops.

 

\-----------------------------------------

Prologue

 

They make it to the next show with minutes to spare. The drive is long and warm, and they hold hands off and on throughout. Tyler may or may not have also pulled over at some point to kiss Josh in his seat- if not just to help himself stop thinking about it.

 

Other than that things are pretty much the same between them.

The next few shows are the best they've ever played- not by the audience but by the chemistry, now flowing freely between them. Some nights they fool around, kissing lazily and happily as they jerk each other off in their single hotel bed; other nights they're too tired, so they sleep curled up in the back of the van, pressed as close as they can comfortably get.

It takes Tyler a few tries to really accept how easy this all is, because he's already on tour with Josh. They're already playing music together, and they've already loved each other since before any of this happened. In short, Tyler somehow has everything he needs to be with Josh, no sacrifices necessary.

 

Well, not yet anyway. There are only a few more shows before Mark rejoins them, then Michael, Ben, and Dan. They've decided not to tell the guys just yet, for their sake. Tyler can't promise that they won't slip up, but it's a bridge they'll cross when they come to it.

Mark doesn't really bat an eye lash when he meets them in West Virginia. It's just the usual rhythm the three of them have already perfected from touring the first few times. If he notices the prolonged looks or their pathetic excuses to sit beside each other all the time, he doesn't say.

The only indication is Mark's camera, which comes out a few times during the very last leg of tour. It takes in a few shows, a few conversations between Mark and whoever happens to be driving, and a few low points where they're struggling to keep to schedule, struggling to eat and sleep enough. But sometimes Mark pointedly _doesn't_ record them. They're just little instances, but still... Tyler's no expert on documentary film-making, but he knows Mark and he knows the moments that Mark is drawn to preserve.

 

One day Mark shoots them goofing around in the hotel pool. It's a sunny day in Kentucky, and it's the first break they've had in days. They're almost home, just two more shows until they're in Ohio again. Everyone's slightly giddy (read: delusional) on lack of sleep, but they'd still rather do cannon balls than get any rest. This devolves when Michael grabs Tyler from his place in the shallow end and tosses him into the deep. Mark gleefully shoots what then turns into Michael just throwing the others around, and Ben attempting to catch them.

Except that Michael eventually screws up and Tyler lands on Josh, who catches him with a laugh. Josh grabs at Tyler to keep him afloat in the deep end, splashing around until they can both tread water safely. Josh doesn't think, just kisses Tyler while he's still laughing. He swims in close and presses their foreheads together, and Mark lets out a frustrated groan. He stops recording and sets the camera down.

“Great, now I have to edit that out,” Mark says, and to Josh's relief, it's only met with laughter. Tyler breaks away from him and swims a circle around him, for seemingly no reason. Then he takes Josh's hand under the water and pulls him back to the shallow end.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first of this pairing and my first fic in a long time . I'd really appreciate feedback. Also hello :) Also sorry for the lack of beta!


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